April 24th, 2011, 6:23GMT
Owing to the reports in recent years of the "Hallyu", or "Korean Wave" originating in the vicinity of North East Asia, seismologists issued a tsunami warning on the West coast of America, Canada, and many countries in South East Asia today at 5:14GMT. The tsunami is thought to have been triggered by a magnitude 8.9 Earthquake, known in Korea as a "Big Bang." Reports indicate that the wave was thought to be small at first, but then American born Julie Park (of Korean heritage) and her foreigner friend Carly MacDonald (who lives and was born in America just as Julie was, but who happens to be Caucasian, explaining the use of the adjective "foreigner") purchased the latest CD from Shinee yesterday afternoon, around 3:14pm, at the local Target store in Anaheim, California.
Our Korean correspondent, Alistair Edmund Kim, writes:
"We thought Hallyu is not known in America yet, only poor country like Betnam, China, and Mongol. But we find that Hallyu is very very very big and soon take over world. Now rich America buy Korea music. They didn't download MP3 off internet, they buy at Target. This show that America very love Korea and soon all Americans learn Korean, Beyonce move to Seoul, and all countries surrender in soccer and we win World Cup. Korea 2002!! Fighting!! Dae-Han-Min-Guk!!"
Carly MacDonald gave us her reason for purchasing the CD:
"Well, like, I was over at Julie's house, and her parents were like, Carly, you have to know more about Korea so you can be friends with Julie, and then, like, Julie was like, do you know Shinee? They're kind of like Backstreet Boys, but they're from Korea. So, we went and bought their CD."
Julie MacDonald adds:
"I usually listen to Beyonce, but my parents were bugging us, so I thought if I went with Carly to buy a K-pop CD then my parents wouldn't think it's so weird I have a white friend. But my friend Anna, who is African-American, might have to do something crazy, like eat kimchi or something."
Shinee: Cornerstone and indisputable foundation of modern Korean culture and heritage.
Residents along the American west coast braced themselves for the onslaught, and built up a seawall to protect homes and businesses from incoming LG phones, Samsung products, and the occasional "t-t-t-t-t-tell me" emanating from Youtube in the homes of Korean-Americans, thought to cause madness to the unaccustomed ear. Fortunately, damage was not as much as anticipated.
At about 6:01GMT the wave arrived. A picture of the wave can be seen below:
Scientists analyzing debris caught in the wave found that it was a mixture of American culture, old Ford Motor Company patents, expired Honda car blueprints, and overinflated cultural narcissism. Within moments, the wave receded back into the Pacific ocean (known to Koreans as the "Sea of Dok-do), never to be seen again. Reports from Korea indicate that upon its return to Korea from America, the Hallyu became outrageously wealthy, could speak fluent English, had the good looks of a Hollywood movie star, but soon resorted to a life of crime and drug abuse for forgetting time-tested Korean values, such as eating kimchi and rice for every meal. It was last seen to have arrived home at 5:30pm to visit Mrs. Wave and their two wavelets instead of going out drinking with its Department Chief, justly leading to its termination from the LG Electronics Corporation.
Go to Hallyu, Mr. Wave...
